Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
