careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
