Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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