I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
