you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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