I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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