i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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