They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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