Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
