and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
