i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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