I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I feel like a drive thru vagina
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
