just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
