Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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