It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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