you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
