sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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