like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize