if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
