We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
