the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
