Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
