Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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