We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
