go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
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