a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
