After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
