Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Randomize
