Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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