i dedicated my morning wood to you.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
