Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
