He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
