We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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