that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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