Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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