just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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