why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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