If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize