guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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