The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
