I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
