Rock
Scissors
Fuck
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
