The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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