Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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