I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
