I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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