I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
