he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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