I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
