I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
