Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize