Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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