Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
