Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
