my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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