im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
