So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just invented taco cereal.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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