One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
