Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
