He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Randomize
